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High End? Upscale? Luxury?

High End? Upscale? Luxury? published on

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Now, THIS is a great kitchen!

If there’s anything in real estate that makes me cringe, it’s the overuse of words like “high end”, “luxury” and “upscale”. Ya know, one person’s “high end” is another person’s schlock. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not coming at ya from a snooty perspective. I wouldn’t know luxury if I was ensconced in it. But I do know my cheap-ass materials.

Yes, some of these “high end” fixtures can be expensive and look extravagant, but sometimes less is more. I can spot a generic Home Depot front door or bathroom vanity a mile away. And if you paid good money for something that I’m confusing with Home Depot shite, well then, you’ve paid too much.

So, what passes my “upscale” test? Well made. One of a kind. Designer. Did I mention well made?

Please, flippers and landlords, stop with all the luxury talk. Stainless appliances with cherry cabinets and a granite counter top is not necessarily high end. Subzero and Viking with custom, hand made cabinets and lava stone counter….now you’ve earned use of those words.

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This kitchen was described as “luxury”. I spy Ikea. Now, hear me out. It’s a perfectly fine kitchen and there’s nothing wrong with Ikea, but one does not usually equate it with luxury. That light fixture is under ten bucks. I know because I’ve used them in many of my own downscale, low end renovations.

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This was described as an “upscale townhouse”. I don’t even know where to begin. It wasn’t even upscale for 1975.

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“Luxury brand new construction”

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And the winner is… This “huge Victorian mansion. L-U-X-U-R-Y!!!!” Found on Craigslist. Right below this ad was another post, same text but with an image of a raised ranch. Neither photo depicts a luxurious Victorian mansion.

Pre-Offer Home Inspection

Pre-Offer Home Inspection published on

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It’s essential to have a home inspection after putting an offer on a house. The inspector will take two to four hours to go over every detail so you know what you’re getting yourself into.

Lots of folks back out of the deal after reading the inspector’s report. That’s fine, but there’s no need to waste the $500-$1000 fee if you know what to look for prior to making an offer.

The first time you look at the house, the only items on your mind are location, size and style, right? It’s either a fixer upper or “renovated”. Total fixer uppers are easy. You know it’s gonna be a money pit. But those “renovated” homes are a bit trickier.

On your second visit to the house, take your time to snoop around some more. Here’s what you’re looking for:

1. Floors. Are they bouncy or soggy? If there’s carpeting, what’s underneath? If it’s tongue and groove, check to make sure they have some sanding life left in them. You can tell by the thickness of the boards. It’s not a big deal to replace floors. It’s just an expense.

2. Basement. Do you see any water marks? Is there a dehumidifier down there? A sump pump? If so, ask why.

3. Basement II. Check out the boiler, water heater and electric panel. Let’s keep this fairly simple. How old or new do they look? Do they have maintenance stickers?

4. Basement III. Look up at the ceiling. The floor joists are those 2x6ish pieces of wood spanning every 12″-16″. The beams are chunkier. Maybe they are 4×4 or larger. Maybe they are steel. You want to make sure there are enough posts holding up those beams if it’s wood. The posts should be sitting on concrete, not dirt. If any of this stuff is rotted, they will need to be replaced or “sistered”. Rot could be a sign of larger issues such as water leakage from above or termite infestation.

5. Exterior. If it’s stone, does it have cracks? If brick, will it need pointing? If wood, do you see any peeling paint or wood rot? How are the gutters and flashing? Check the pitch of the landscape to see if water would puddle up and/or enter the house. Are there drains in the back yard?

6. Electric. Make sure there are enough outlets in each room. They should all be three prong. Bathrooms and kitchens should have GFI outlets near water sources. If none of the above, the electric will need an upgrade.

7. Plumbing. Look at the drains under sinks to make sure there there are no leaks. Also check for leaks around toilets and bathtubs. Oh, almost forgot! Go back down to the basement and make sure the copper pipes are not corroded.

8. Follow your nose. Do you smell gas? Mold?

9. Windows. How old do they look? If they are original, have they been maintained or are there storm windows? Do you feel drafts around the windows meaning it’s not insulated?

10. Work quality. This is my own theory. I don’t think an inspector will voice concern about a house if it has a bad caulking job, but hear me out. If the finished product looks sloppy, chances are a low end contractor was used to save costs and that means there may just be band-aids on some problem areas. Look for overuse of caulk, grout film on tile, bumpy sheetrock seams and messy paint jobs. I go a step further and even turn my nose up at material quality. Cheap Home Depot wainscoting is usually covering something nasty! I shouldn’t say that. You’re right. I’m a snob. But buyer beware!

Again, nobody is telling you to be the inspector but these are some things you should look for. Are they fixable? Absolutely! But it’s better to know what you’re getting into before you put in an offer. And that, my friends, is the reason I always buy total wrecks.

Good luck!

Not Your Momma’s Trailer!

Not Your Momma’s Trailer! published on 2 Comments on Not Your Momma’s Trailer!

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We’re in a terrible recession. What if you lost your home or apartment and had to live in a trailer park? Could you? Would you? I’m kind of fascinated by trailer parks. I have to stare when we pass them on the road. I think I’ve been to one once in my life. Perhaps I lived in one in a past life. That’s why there are 3 cars in my driveway and a bunch of broken furniture. Since the history of the mobile home only dates back to the 50’s and I was born in the 60’s, I probably never did live in a trailer. Unless I died at a very young age.

Ok, now that I’m finished rambling on about that, let’s have a look at some aesthetically pleasing mobile homes. Really!

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Vintage Vacations designs, restores and renovates trailers built from the 30’s-70’s. Not all of the links on their site work, but some of the trailers I did see made me want to give up my real house and hit the open road.

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This Ol Trailer is restoring a 1945 Stewart Coach. Check out the YouTube video.

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Web Urbanist posted a modern mobile home that stands up to just about any contemporary prefab design.

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Toronto’s Mini Home Parks is the go to fabricator for green contemporary trailers with pizazz.

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But if you’re like me and you daydream about the trailer park’s redneck lifestyle, be sure to check out Vat 19’s Definitive Primer on Trailer Park Decor.

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Finally, Jolene, the Trailer Park Queen has everything you’ve ever wanted to know about trailer life and more.

FSBO Checklist

FSBO Checklist published on 1 Comment on FSBO Checklist

**Archive. Originally posted October 30, 2007.

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So, you think you wanna sell your own home? It’s no picnic, I’ll tell you that. But if you have the time and patience, you can save thousands on broker’s fees. It is true that many a FSBO ends up a broker’s listing because people step into it blindly. Just make sure you do the research and have the personality to handle it.Continue reading FSBO Checklist

Taking It Up A Notch: Brooklyn Under $500k

Taking It Up A Notch: Brooklyn Under $500k published on

Last week’s affordable Brooklyn under $600k was so popular, we thought we would do it again. Only this time, we needed more of a challenge. We’re taking it up a notch! Brooklyn homes for under $500k. And we haven’t even touched upon East New York or Canarsie yet.

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$439k: Sheepshead Bay Single Family

3 BR brick, needs updating. It’s near the Belt, which means it’s closer to the water but far from the train. Eh. What do you want for $439k?

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$495k: Prospect Lefferts 2 Family

Check out the interior photos. Lemme tell you something. If I bought this place, I would just carry on with the decorating vision. I wouldn’t bother restoring it. I’m groovin’ to the red carpet and mirrors. I’d totally go bordello style. So tacky that it’s AWE-SOME.

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$499k: Bed Stuy 2 Family

Bless you, agent Andre. The only one who got back to me regarding availability of these homes. Looks cool from the outside. Hancock at Malcolm X, 2100 sq ft. You’re past prime Stuy Heights and in the middle of 2 train lines here, but it’s probably still a good deal at that price.

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$499k: Flatbush 2 Family

Oooh…I like this. $100k cheaper than last week’s Flatbush brick which was in better condition. This one needs TLC but the details are intact. Do I see a clawfoot tub? Original plaster and parquet floors? Suh-weet. Map shows it’s close to Newkirk and Flatbush.

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$499k: Sunset Park Single Family

Ok, agent Albert got back to me last minute. This property is still available. 43rd and 4th Avenue. So it’s not the prettiest part of Sunset Park, but it’s near the train. Ad says “move in condition”. Since there aren’t any interior photos, you won’t know what that means until you see it in person.

Suburban Pioneers?

Suburban Pioneers? published on

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Our $385k house

Hey, don’t look at me. I didn’t say it. The NY Post did. As if this is news all of the sudden that starving artists are leaving NYC for more affordable digs upstate.

“Meet the suburban pioneers – folks who’ve migrated to edgy, diverse towns in the Hudson Valley where you can nab a house for less than $350,000.” Pioneers? People lived here before we did. I hate that word “pioneer”! Edgy? Who wrote this? Someone living in the mid west? I’ll give you this….Beacon is edgier than…umm…..Marine Park.Continue reading Suburban Pioneers?

Affordable Housing @ NYC.Gov

Affordable Housing @ NYC.Gov published on

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I was on the city’s site the other day for one reason or another. It’s a great resource that I never took advantage of. Some of these things are pretty obvious, but there just might a helpful tip or two that you never knew about.

Check it out:

Apartment Hunting Tips : Finding an apartment, securing it and protecting your rights as a tenant.

Tenant’s Rights: Guidelines and legal help

Affordable Homeownership includes information on counseling, lotteries, down payment assistance and home improvement.

Repair and Maintenance for tenants and homeowners

Seniors and People with Disabilities

Affordable NYC: Sheepshead Bay

Affordable NYC: Sheepshead Bay published on 1 Comment on Affordable NYC: Sheepshead Bay

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I didn’t grow up in an ultra cool brownstone neighborhood of Brooklyn. Being in Midwood, I was sort right in the center of the boro. When my friends and I weren’t running into Manhattan for our thrills, we sometimes hit Sheepshead Bay. Captain Walter’s was a decent bar, always followed by coffee at El Greco or some nasty shit at the not so fast Roll-n-Roaster. (Does anyone remember their late night commercials?)

Sheepshead Bay did kind of fall apart in the 80’s. Lundy’s closed. Then reopened just in time for my high school reunion. Then closed again. Pip’s Comedy Club is gone. But Sheepshead is being resurrected, as all NYC neighborhoods eventually are.Continue reading Affordable NYC: Sheepshead Bay

Weekender: Windham, NY

Weekender: Windham, NY published on 3 Comments on Weekender: Windham, NY

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Like many of the other upper Catskill towns, Windham is strikingly beautiful. It’s all about the mountains. What sets Windham apart from Phoenicia or Athens is that it’s SERIOUSLY all about the mountains. Dude.

This is ski country. And Windham Mountain is not just for serious skiers. Awkward klutzes like myself can enjoy ice skating, snow tubing or snow boarding. Not that I’m not on my ass half the time doing those things, it’s just not as torturous as skiing. Anyway, in 2006, new owners, Windham Mountain Partners, invested over $5 million for new chair lifts, trails, the ice skating center and a restaurant.Continue reading Weekender: Windham, NY

NY Times: Beyond NYC

NY Times: Beyond NYC published on 5 Comments on NY Times: Beyond NYC

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The Times had two articles in the real estate section this Sunday which I’m rolling into one post.

Cashing out of NYC” informs us of the widening gap between prices in Manhattan and the suburbs. One couple mentioned in the article bought a $690k ranch in Norwalk, CT with the proceeds from the sale of their $899 Manhattan coop. Another couple couldn’t find a loft space in Dumbo for under $600k so they bought a 1350 square foot loft in New Rochelle for that amount.Continue reading NY Times: Beyond NYC

Green MLS

Green MLS published on 2 Comments on Green MLS

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Justin at Materialicio.us is good. I believe he was the first one to catch the new Green MLS. At least that’s where I saw it. Listed Green is the MLS for green, sustainable, energy efficient homes and developments worldwide. They screen the listings before they are placed on the website to assure the dwellings are indeed green and not just fake green. You know what I mean. Currently, there are only 2 listings in New York.

Bargains In Brooklyn

Bargains In Brooklyn published on 3 Comments on Bargains In Brooklyn

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No Sleep Till….

This Sunday’s NY Times reported that there are bargains in Brooklyn! This just after Crains reported that home prices in the borough were up. Ah, to be fair, although prices have risen, the article states that fewer homes have sold.

So what does this mean for you if you’re looking to buy? It means you may be able to grab that $1.1 million brownstone in Bed Stuy for $950k like Josh and Mary Dennis did. Or nab a new condo in Greenwood Heights for 5% below ask, which would be a million for a 1915 square foot duplex.

The areas you’ll find the most bargains are those that are hurting due to foreclosure, such as Bed Stuy, Bushwick and East New York. There are also condo bargains to be had in neighborhoods that have been overbuilt, such as Williamsburg and Greenwood Heights, which is on the fringe of the fringe of Park Slope South.

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