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My Life Is A Friggen Seinfeld Episode

My Life Is A Friggen Seinfeld Episode published on 7 Comments on My Life Is A Friggen Seinfeld Episode

**Archive. Originally posted: May 28, 2008

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1930-2008

5/27/08 My father passed at 9:30 tonight. This post was written while we waited.

It’s a well known fact. New York Jews go down to Florida to die. Of course it’s terribly sad. But it’s also pretty humorous. And I don’t feel too bad laughing about it because my father would be the first one cracking jokes if he could. Anyway, I feel like I’m caught up in a bad Seinfeld episode.

The other day when we went to visit the hospital we ran into THREE other people we knew. A friend of the family whom had been helping my mom and visiting my dad all along was there with her husband. He had suffered a heart attack. Then there were 2 elderly neighbors from the senior condo. I think they called 911 just to get attention. It was like a party at that hospital!

It’s Jewish custom for immediate family to sit shiva after a funeral. It’s supposed to be a full week, but my mother says 3 days is acceptable. That suits me just fine. There is no way I’m spending an extra 7 days down here!

My brother lives in Florida now and he’s even more selfish than I am. He’s not happy with 3 days.

Brother: So, I have to stay in the house for 3 days?

Mother: Yes. You have to be here for people to come visit.

Brother: Does the day of the funeral count?

Mother: Yes. So, it’s only 2 days, really.

Brother: But can I take a walk in the morning before visitors arrive?

Mother: You’re really not supposed to do anything.

Brother: But what if I get sick? Would I be able to go to a doctor? I mean, I could die myself if I’m stuck in the house.

Mother: You won’t get sick.

Brother: Do I have to sit on one of those boxes?

Mother: Well, you can sit on the couch, but maybe sit on a box when company arrives.

Me: Isn’t that hypocritical?

Brother (before my mother can answer my question): Do I have to eat on the box? How do I balance my food?

And so it went on and on. At least I realized one thing. I’m not George. My brother is George. I’m Jerry. And that’s a step up from George. Maybe even two steps.

Related: Gone South

September 11, 2001

September 11, 2001 published on 2 Comments on September 11, 2001

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*Please read this post first.

As I was getting out of the shower this morning there was an announcement on the radio that a plane went into the WTC. I got dressed and turned on the TV. When the second plane hit, it was clear this was a terrorist attack. I ran up to the roof with my camera. I was obviously running on pure adrenaline since I’m scared to climb the roof ladder normally.

I got some shots and decided I needed to get closer. I wanted to be on the streets with other New Yorkers. I went to Red Hook. I was trying to find parking near the Snapple factory on the pier when a guard told me to move along. In the middle of my U-turn he screamed that the tower was coming down. I left the car running in the middle of the street and ran to the pier. As I watched and took pictures all I could think of was that my lens was too long to get the full skyline. I cursed myself for not being prepared.

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There was a cop car sitting on the pier. I couldn’t believe how the two cops just sat there and watched the tower come down with no emotion.

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……There was debris coming from 5th Avenue so I went towards it. The street looked like a war zone. People were wearing masks and covering their faces with their shirts. I had masks in the house but ran out without putting one on. I regretted that later.

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Went to the Promenade in Brooklyn Heights….Along the way, the second tower came down. The World Trade Center was gone. I couldn’t stop to think about it.

The Promenade was crowded but not like I expected……Some people were taking pictures. Others crying. People were listening to radios. One group of guys were looking at a brochure of the Twin Towers observation deck and pointing across the river to where they once stood.

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……Met up with Mia (my neighbor). We stopped for lunch and looked at some of Nostradamus’ predictions. I remembered something about a fire in the sky in the New City and 2 great rocks at war.

……That evening we went upstairs to commiserate with our tenants. S said she was relieved that her daughter was too young to understand what was going on. We watched the President who scared us even more.

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The Diaries
September 12, 2001
September 13, 2001
September 14, 2001
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September 12, 2001

September 12, 2001 published on 2 Comments on September 12, 2001

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Blood donation line

Please read this post first.

Woke up to fighter jets at 4:30am today. In my half asleep state, I thought my cat’s purring was bombs.

I woke up today and wanted to do something. The shock and adrenaline of yesterday had worn off. The death toll was starting to come in on the news and this was first becoming real to me.

I found a shelter in Brooklyn that I thought might be able to use volunteers, but I couldn’t reach them on the phone. (Husband) phoned to tell me they were going down there with heavy construction equipment , but they wouldn’t let me in. After sitting in a daze for a few hours I felt the urge to get out and shoot.

…..I walked over to the shelter. The cops treated me like a terrorist. I found myself arguing with them then decided to give it a rest.

……Tried to get over the Brooklyn Bridge. No way.

….I guess the most I can do now is document history.

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The Diaries
September 11, 2001
September 13, 2001
September 14, 2001
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September 13, 2001

September 13, 2001 published on 4 Comments on September 13, 2001

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Please read this post first.

….I wanted to go to the city today and get out there with people, see if there’s anything I can do to help.

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…..I start out at Union Square where I heard there’s a memorial. There are some people signing big sheets of paper on the ground. The one message that brings tears to my eyes is written in German. It says “I have been here in this country for six years. NY is the greatest city in the world and I’m not leaving. We keep the hope.” It moves me because this is what America is about: the melting pot. I’m also excited that I am able to read the German.

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I sign the memorial myself. I write “I’ve never been so proud to be a native New Yorker as this moment in history. Keep the faith.”

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I walk to St. Vincents. The volunteers giving food to the doctors turn me down when I ask if they need help. Nobody wants my help!

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I go down to another memorial in Washington Square. I check out the views of what used to be the WTC along the way. All there is is smoke.

I want to see how far downtown I can get. How close. They stop me at Houston Street, which is fine because the smoke is getting thick down here and my asthma is starting to bother me. I board the train and come back to Brooklyn.

My walk through Manhattan today took a toll on me. The streets were empty. Like a ghost town. I’ve never seen NY so dead. Not even at 4am. People were walking around in a fog, much like myself. This is really depressing.

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The Diaries
September 11, 2001
September 12, 2001
September 14, 2001
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September 14, 2001

September 14, 2001 published on 1 Comment on September 14, 2001

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Please read this post first.

It rained all day and I needed to rest from taking pictures. I found out that I could go to the Javitz if I want to volunteer but I heard that people are lining up for hours just to fill out an application. I don’t feel like standing in the rain for nothing. I just want to rest and forget about this for a few hours.

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We went to a vigil in the neighborhood tonight (Park Slope). It was really beautiful. It seems like the whole neighborhood came out. We all lit candles and walked down to the fire station where they lost most of their guys. People were singing. It was very moving and uplifting. Definitely a healing experience. This is a tragic, tragic thing that happened, but what’s come of it is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. No matter what happens….I’m glad I was part of this.

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Commercial airlines start flying again on Friday, September 14th.

The Diaries
September 11, 2001
September 12, 2001
September 13, 2001
Flickr

Ground Zero 2008

Ground Zero 2008 published on 1 Comment on Ground Zero 2008

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Author: Not Me

Check this cool website: Earthcam.net. If you’ve ever wondered how the construction is progressing at the World Trade Center site and didn’t want to stand on Liberty and Church trying to ignore the souvenir vendors and tragedy tourists to get a glimpse of a few guys in hardhats, here is your chance (before Bill O’Reilly or Rush Limbaugh starts a campaign to shut the site down).

I don’t know who is financing this project, but every 15 minutes the camera takes a shot from the top of a high rise on Church Street directly across from the WTC. You can check out the archives going back to 2004 and play the images forward to see the progression.

A lot of the progress has happened in the last year.

Here is a brief summary/explanation of what you are looking at:

The structure running from left to right about two thirds down the screen is the NYCT subway 1 and 9 line.

Below that is the East *Bathtub and above the West Bathtub with the ramp down into the site.

To the right (North) is the Freedom Tower.

Just to the South (left) of the tower is a portion of the Calatravos Mezzanine arches (the white riblike structure with a concrete wall to it’s left).

The first Memorial structure steel is in the North East corner of the West Bathtub. The erection of the steel started just over a week ago, just in time for the seventh anniversary.

The PATH trains loop around the perimeter of the West Bathtub. I hear rumors that more steel erection will be starting this week over the PATH.

At the bottom of the screen is the East Bathtub where the site preparation is being done for Larry Silverstein.

Check out all the features. Zoom in, zoom out, track in all directions, the archive is amazing! Check out the weather on any day: rain, snow, foggy, sunny.

You even get periods when the camera was knocked over and you can see the roof of the building or the electricians tools while it is being fixed.

* Bathtub= The excavated area with walls that keeps water out rather than in so it is a reverse bath tub. The site did have two – East and West – but soon it will be one big tub.

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House Blogs Internacional

House Blogs Internacional published on

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One of my (many) dreams is to buy an Italian villa or a Spanish castle to retire to do in my old age. Like 44 would be nice. With all the unfinished work going on in my New York homes, I figured it would be a nice diversion to have a look at some European house blogs and plan my retirement project. Perhaps the project will come up sooner if the election doesn’t go my way. I AM a member of the EU, you know. Marrying an illegal alien does have it’s benefits.

Without further adieu….

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No Ordinary Homestead is about an 1834 farmhouse near Frankfurt, Germany. It’s actually about a lot more than the house. The blog is hosted by a Texan gal who is into rock climbing, wine collecting and road trips. She and her ex-pat hubby are planning on building a rock climbing wall and wine cellar. Warning: Stop reading now if you are turning green.

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There is a courtyard between the house, the barn and the guest house. I warned you! Now you’re sick, right?

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This is the before photo of their avocado bathroom. They saved the tub, but replaced everything else with “the new”. Personally, I love the avocado and would have kept it. So, take that you rock climbing, wine collecting, skinny blond with average taste. You don’t have the chutzpah to go avocado!

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Palazzo Pizzo follows the renovation of 200+ year old home in southern Italy. Yes, it’s one of the houses in the photo above.

Like my own blog, there aren’t many before and after photos of her actual renovation. Just lots of daydreaming about what she is going to do.

Like this:

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And this:

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This Really Old House is written by a woman named Lola. That’s my dog’s name, so I like her already. And her husband’s name is Dawg.

The home is in northern Burgundy and I’m not seeing any finished shots so it’s safe to say there is nothing to get too jealous of. Yet. It was interesting to go back to her first post and find out how they came across this one house that spoke to them. They also looked at a Loire 19th century farmhouse and a home that lost its charm after they learned it was located in a town that was a deportation camp for French Jews in WWII.

Other reasons to feel a bond with Lola:

The house doesn’t have heat.

They’ve owned the house for 2.5 years and it’s still not habitable.

But her last post was in July, so maybe it’s a finished cream puff by now. In that case, Bitch.

Creating A Bathroom Sanctuary

Creating A Bathroom Sanctuary published on 2 Comments on Creating A Bathroom Sanctuary

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Not your average outhouse.

The bathroom is one of my favorite rooms in a house. It’s certainly more fun to design than a living room. And between you and me, I spend more time in the bathroom than I do in the kitchen. I mean, think about it…what’s more personal than a trip to the bathroom? Why shouldn’t it be a sanctuary?

Nobody really has much time to bathe these days, but we all like to pretend we do. I’ve gone to great lengths to secure salvaged claw foot tubs in every single one of my renovations even though I’ve taken about 5 baths in the last 10 years. The bathtub is the ultimate home sanctuary fantasy. (Although mine is the toilet.) How many people get Whirlpool tubs or Japanese soaking tubs only to use them a couple of times? But it’s nice to have.

More practical is the steam shower. But since I can’t afford it, I’m a hater. It’s an unnecessary luxury.  A low flow shower head will do the trick of getting me clean. If I need a massage, I can get a one every week for the same price as some of these showers. If I need to open my sinuses, a pot of hot water or neti pot will do the trick.

So let’s get to my favorite: The Toilet.

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I want a two seater.

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I want a throne.

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I want a work of art.

Of course the overall feel of the room should engage all senses.  Tranquil wall colors and good natural light. Perhaps some dimmers, candles or sconces to set the romantic tone (bath sex). Aromatherapy. A towel warmer. Soaps that are nicer than your average Bronners. An ipod deck or whatever you dinosaurs use for music. You get the point?

All this talk of sanctuaries makes me wish my bathroom wasn’t a mold filled, cat pee stinking room in need of renovation. Ok, back to reality.

Ehow: Goofy French Spa Bathroom

RIP Astroland, RIP

RIP Astroland, RIP published on 6 Comments on RIP Astroland, RIP

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I didn’t make it to Astroland to say goodbye.

My relationship with Coney Island dates back to the womb. My parents took me there as a child and their parents took them. I’m old enough to remember the laughing lady in The Fun House, The Bob Sled, Jumbo Jet, Tornado and Thunderbolt before they shut down. My favorite ride was the Water Flume though. Not too scary.

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Thunderbolt

My family moved to Brightwater Towers on Surf Avenue during my senior year in high school. It was a bit of a schlep to get anywhere from the farthest end of Brooklyn, but I soon gathered that living in Coney was worth it. From my window, I could hear the sea lions at the aquarium and the screams from The Cyclone. When friends came to visit, we would go to Nathan’s, ride the bumper cars or The Cyclone. If we weren’t up for that (and what teenager isn’t?) we would go to the beach or grab a couple of knishes along the boardwalk.

Flea markets lined Surf Avenue during the 80’s and into the 90’s. I got THE-BEST vintage clothing from these stalls. I bought sixties dresses and suits from the forties for two bucks a pop. There were furniture and tschotska vendors as well.

During my photo school years, Coney Island and Brighton Beach were my favorite places to shoot. And they still are. I loved the crowds in the summer, but more so, I loved the desolate look of the area in the winter. If I got out of my apartment early enough on a winter weekday, I would be the only one around in the crumbling amusement park.

Coney Island will always be around. It’s just Astroland that has closed. The Cyclone, *Wonder Wheel and *Parachute Jump are historic landmarks, so they are safe from demolition. Supposedly. (* Not part of Astroland) I’d imagine that the area will change dramatically though. Will Insectavora and Donny Vomit still be welcome? What about the drag queen mermaids? I’m sure nobody is going to mess with The Polar Bears though. Let ’em try.

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Dante’s Inferno

Fun fact: Fred Trump (Donald’s dad) bought Coney Island’s Steeplechase Park property during the 1960’s with plans to develop luxury apartments. Due to legal issues, he was never able to develop. Perhaps Thor will have the same headaches?

The -probably too late- petition to save Astroland.

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Flickr page

Flea Finds and Real World Sighting

Flea Finds and Real World Sighting published on 2 Comments on Flea Finds and Real World Sighting

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First full-time-day back to the flea and it was packed wall to wall with vendors returning after our summer breaks. The shoppers were there too, but it was still a bit too hot for a full force shopping extravaganza. That said, it was fine-but-not-awesome for me.

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I finally got to check out The Institute for Advanced Consumption in space L14. They set up the booth in the morning and rely on the honor system. Suggested price is $18 for every item in the booth, but people can haggle amongst themselves. There’s a money jar, but it’s only monitored from a distance without any interference from salespeople. How does that work out for the vendor? Flea post here. They did have a cool collection of vintage clothes.

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Tony Garcia from Barntiques was a hoot. He didn’t want to be photographed and didn’t know what a blog is, but he did set up my shots of his gorgeous tables. Hand crafted furniture from reclaimed wood. And this is fine work. Not some of that crap people stick together. What else can I say? Check out the website.

So, we’re sitting there and we see these 2 youngins being followed by a camera crew, but they’re not interacting with anyone…just shopping. We were like “WTF”?  Then I sez “You know what? I bet that was The Real World!” It was some wanna-be hipster tattooed chick and a nerdy, jock-like fella. I didn’t take pictures because I didn’t realize it was them until they left and now I can’t find any photos online to validate my sighting. But I think I did see them. A real Real World sighting. I’ll never be the same.

Back To The Flea

Back To The Flea published on

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Golden Horse: $ 85

After a summer hiatus we’ll be back at The Brooklyn Flea every weekend starting this Sunday. As long as we can handle the cold and people keep coming to shop, we should be there through the holiday season.

I’ve been trying to get inventory ready for our double space. I did manage to restore and update a few pieces, but I’m bringing quite a few inexpensive chairs that need reupholstering. I’ve got a handful of vintage fabric left also!

Stop by to say hello. Space C5 or thereabouts.

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Green Closet: $150

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50’s Stools: $40 each/2 for $70

Craig Apartment Scams

Craig Apartment Scams published on

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I know my readers are waaay too smart to fall for scams, but it baffles me that anyone in this day and age actually does take the bait. I mean, where are these people from? Alaska? Here are some Craig alerts:

$1 SCAM SCAM SCAM

I like this one: “Reads as if Borat was at the keyboard.” How are they causing problems? You actually went along with it? Ignore these people and they’ll go away!

The people claiming that they are Mr. and Mrs. Harper who just moved to England and are renting their place in Brooklyn are not for real. They will send you very very poorly written emails, which read as if Borat was at the keyboard and an image of a Florida drivers license with a picture of a completely ridiculous man who kind of looks like he just crawled out of a mid-80’s pickup. Don’t even bother with these people, everything is phony and they are doing nothing but causing problems for everyone.

Mr & Mrs Watson: Chelsea

Yeah, do not send that payment to Africa! Show me the one person who did. I’ll knock them upside the head.

they will tell you they have this really nice apartment somewhere in nyc that is furnished and maybe even send you pictures, etc. they say they are missionaries but ARE NOT. THEY WANT YOU TO SEND YOUR PAYMENT TO THEM IN AFRICA BUT DO NOT DO IT.

THEY ARE SCAM ARTISTS.
HERE IS THEIR EMAIL:
billjesus1234@gmail.com
and
mrswatson2@gmail.com 

$900 Chelsea

Lookit, this guy has a whole organization! He’s a Jew for Jesus. American. Weird, because the posting reads as if it’s a non English speaking writer. Does Herschel the Missionary know that Herschel the Scammer is using his name? You need to send a deposit before you can view the apartment. Yeah, ok. And since it’s 6 hours ahead, you may call any time. So if I called at 9pm my time, that’s ok?

Hello once again i am HERSCHEL ROTHCHILD I own the 1 bedroom apartment on 45 Gramercy Park North New York NY 10010 and i also want you to know that it was due to my transfer that makes me and my family to leave the house and also want to giveit out for rent we are looking for a responsible person that can take very good care of it as if it were his/her own,we are not after the money for the rent but we want it to be clean at all time and the person that will rent it to take it as if it were his/her own,You can check me on my organization website www.therothchilds.org

A). Pay US$900 deposit and have the keys, Rent Application form and insurance shipped to your address as soon as to be able to view and have the rent application, you balance US$1,800 for the remaining month Or.
B). Pay for the shipping of the keys,insurance and the rent application through FedEx Courier Service which is US$180.00,which after 3 month rent will be paid on monthly.

please dial as seen on the screen (0092348030490560) The time zone difference is 6hrs ahead,you can also call any time.

I personally will actually come visiting you at December as our new tenant.Looking forward to hear from you with all this details so that i can have it in my file in case of issuing the receipt for you and contacting you.Await your urgent reply so that we can discuss on how to get the documents and the keys of the house to you.Since you have indicated interest now, my wife and I have decided to remove the ad from craigslist. Call me now on (009234808030490560) to indicate your 100% interest and seriousness.

NOTE THAT THE KEYS WILL BE SENT TO YOU VIA FEDEX TO YOUR PERSONAL HOME ADDRESS ,YOU AS THE TENANT WILL PAY FOR THE SHIPPING COST OF THE KEY TO YOU.As a man of God please I am giving you all this base on trust and again i will want you to stick to you words.

$475: Room in Brooklyn Castle

Wait…this guy actually HAD an apartment to rent?! Wow. I’m impressed.

This guy stole $1500 and threw me out on the street after 2 weeks in the apartment. Write to me if you want the whole horrible story. Don’t take a chance — as usual on Craigslist — if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true. I believe he did the same thing to the woman before me. I’ve reported the listing to abuse@craigslistorg. 

Bogus Renters/Bogus Landlords

Who is the scammer here? The bogus renter or the realtor using fear tactics to ensure those commissions keep coming?

Here’s the latest true happening in Westchester: Bogus renters view vacant properties and manage to leave the back door open. They then actually advertise the properties on Craig’s list as brokers, offer access through back door, and attempt to secure first and last month’s rent from unsuspecting potential renters. The police have been notified and all is being investigated. In the meantime, it would be wise to work with a licensed Realtor.

Most customers beleive it is a waste of money, yet establishing a qualified tenant and/or landlord, Realtors ensure that the transactions which involve legal and binding contracts, qualifying tenants/landlords, working with management companies, researching properties & hours of driving with these gas prices is our job. However, the respect for “Real Estate Agent/Broker” is miscontrued in many ways and not recognized as a Professional entity by people, mainly because of the scams that are going on which are allowed because properties and transactions should be handled through a reputable, licensed Realtor.

Local Obamavents

Local Obamavents published on

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A search of Barack’s website brought up a gazillion local events. By local, I mean the Tri-State area. Just punch in your zip code. Here are some of the ones that looked interesting to me. Don’t hold your breath for my McCainevents post.

Sept. 5th @ Broadway Comedy Club
Obamedy 2008
“Reasonable” suggested donation

Sept. 7th @ Akwaaba Mansion in Bed Stuy
Book signing and art auction with Bryan Collier.
$50 donation.
Interesting to me because I can walk there. Too bad I’m working that day.

Sept. 14th: Road Trip to Philly
$20
Personally, I think he’ll breeze by in NY and it’s important to serve up the Kool Aid in those swing states. There are plenty of PA bus trips. Some trips to DC and even CO.

Sept. 15th @ The Metropolitan Room
Broadway for Barack.
$50

Sept. 15th @ Comix
The Audacity of Jokes II
$45 Regular Admission/$100 VIP

Sept. 27th in Cobble Hill
Rummage Sale.
Small items now being accepted and may be purchased online.

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