Look at him out there. Working on his house morning and night, rain or shine. He’s almost finished with that elaborate fence he started building a few weeks ago. We hate him.

How dare he throw his finished porch and fully painted exterior in our faces? Oh, he hired contractors for that. Hey buddy, we’re doing it ourselves! There’s a reason our porch has looked like this for 2 years!

We see him out there mocking us. Smug bastard. With his ambition and his energy and all his free time. His job is probably really kushy and he doesn’t have to commute. So what if he has kids? Looks like the wife is a stay at home mom. She probably cooks and cleans by herself. Thinks she’s all that. We haven’t seen her hauling debris out of the house or lifting as much as a paint brush. A real lady, she is.

We like our other neighbors. They have 5 cats and their house smells worse than ours. They have don’t have unfinished projects because they haven’t even started any yet. They still have a piece of plastic in their attic window where the glass broke 3 years ago.

And those other neighbors across the street. They left their Halloween pumpkin out until after the New Year. Now that’s our type of people.