Author: Brett

I don’t know about you, but I am sick of developers’ overuse, misuse, and outright abuse of the word, “luxury”. Slapped onto every new construction from the squat, Soviet-era-looking condos in my neighborhood to the brazen, amenity-laden monsters stalking the skyline of every outer boro, “luxury”, it appears, has lost its original meaning. Nowhere is this loss more apparent than in some of the city’s scrappier nabes where the grit is turning into glitter.

After deciding that Jersey, or at least, Westfield, was not the place for us, we pined for the city, its cultural offerings and its bargain-bin property taxes. Surely in our new price bracket (stretched ever upward by our latest house bid) we could afford a three-bedroom apartment somewhere in the five boros? The question was in which neighborhood would we find this haven, and more importantly, could we go back to living in an apartment and comfortably so?

With apartments in mind, we turned to the New York Times online and were quickly seduced by the glossy (dare I say, sexy?) ads for new condos and coops. A search of condos in our price range yielded the MAC, Manhattan Avenue Condos. According to the website, MAC is “poised to stand the test of time” in “what has become the most sought-after residential destination in Northern Brooklyn.” As a former copywriter, I know bullshit when I see it. Still, I was intrigued by the ground-level condos, which, although only offering two bedrooms, was a duplex with a huge rec room and a private backyard. I figured we might carve out a master b-room in the distant future when the babies would get their own rooms, sometime around when flying cars were commonplace. In the meantime, the four of us would rock the rec space, creating play and movie-watching areas for both adults and wee ones.

Off we went on a Saturday to “premiere” Northern Brooklyn. Parking the car near McCarren Park’s dog run and across from Mamalu, a popular café/kid playspace, we each carried a toddler in our arms, forgoing the double monster stroller since MAC was just down the street. Or so we thought. It quickly became apparent that the new building we saw down the block was not the one we were looking for, nor was the one next door to that. It must be around here somewhere, right?

A quick scan of the area revealed far too many new constructions to count. Yikes! Attack of the luxury condos! We got to the end of the block, each wriggling yougin’ growing ever heavier with every step. We passed the graffiti-pocked McCarren Park Municipal pool and a new construction in front of it that had the nerve to proclaim, “Live Poolside” as if this city pool was somehow the new celebrity nightspot.

Finally, we found Manhattan Avenue and followed the trail of new buildings until we saw something that looked like the photo in the Open House listing. Nearly all of the buildings boast some sort of homage to Bburg’s industrial look. MAC’s foyer sported trompe l’oeil wallpaper made to look like sheets of metal studded with bolts.

Alas, we could not view the duplex condo as it is still a figment of the developer’s imagination; We did, however, squeeze into a 5th floor condo overlooking the local elementary school’s courtyard on one side, and (you guessed it) another new construction on the other. Each of the two bedrooms was so tiny that we overheard another buyer ask her friend, “Where do you put the furniture?”

Of course, this experience makes me wonder: Who exactly are these new constructions for?” Not the current residents, like my friend in Greenpoint, who mostly resents the intrusion of these new constructions. Nor would they be for the residents of the past, like a fellow writer friend who, after being chased out of the LES by rising prices, spent some time in Williamsburg and has since moved on to the less-sought after, but highly more affordable South Brooklyn. I cannot picture the foreign businessman feeling at home in this neighborhood; maybe a trust-fund kid slumming before taking over the family business? If I had more time I might dig deeper and get a clearer picture of who exactly has plunked down the green for most of the units in this yet-to-be-completed newcomer.

All I know is that it is also not the place for us and that tomorrow we are off to look at apartments in Riverdale, in da Bronx.