I dunno. I used to enjoy the consumerism of the holiday season. I’ve outgrown that now. Some people never do. Take my in-laws for instance. We tried to get out of the whole gift giving thing last year. We managed to get out of the birthday thing, but they wouldn’t budge on Christmas.

Why am I all Bah Humbug this year? Well, here’s the thing… Ok, there are a few reasons, so I’m gonna go list form on ya since I love my lists.

1. It’s all about ME. I never get the gifts I want. Nobody asks me what I’d like to get. They just give me shit I don’t use. Clothes that are SO not my taste, artwork that I wouldn’t hang on my unfinished basement wall, CDs from crap bands (and hello: 2008-iPod!), books that I’m like WTF….I’d be embarrassed to regift these things! I know you’ve been there. We’ve all been there.

2. Why new? It’s just bad for the environment. Period. Why is it not acceptable to buy used gifts? Refurbished electronics. Vintage clothing. Second hand books or CDs (Good ones, hopefully). Antique tschotchkes. Think about all the wasted material and packaging that goes into this new shite that will be used for one year at best.

3. Time. Do you think I enjoy hitting crowded stores looking for useless items? I can think of better things to do with my time.

4. Money. It’s a lose/lose situation. Most of us have been lucky enough to buy what we want as adults and not have to wait for Santa to bring it once a year. We’re not kids! We need something, we buy it. On the other hand, if one is broke, they shouldn’t feel obligated to buy gifts for their 29 nieces and nephews.

I’ve gotta give my people some kudos here. Jews always give cash. Whether it’s a wedding, birthday or Hanukkah. Or Grandma stuffing a couple of dollars into your pocket. It’s cash. And it’s the way to go. Impersonal? Maybe. Practical? Hell, yeah!

But it doesn’t have to be cash. There are creative gift giving ideas if you have friends and family who are willing to play along. Another list, if I may:

1. Charity. Screw it. Give to a non profit organization in the gift recipient’s name. Surely there is someone else who needs it more than your friend/family member.

2. Gift Certificates. Let them get what they want! It doesn’t have to be a store, it could be a restaurant, a massage, a weekend trip, even money towards a dental bill if that’s what they need.

3. Hand Made. If you’re gonna do it, do it right. Shop Etsy or local crafts shows. Support small businesses and artists (like me).

4. Used. As I mentioned earlier, if you can get away with it, you can save the environment and your wallet by getting gently used or refurbished items.

5. Just say no. We tried and failed. But it’s always worth a try!

At any rate, enjoy your bourgeois capitalism this season!